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Lighter Side

The Lighter Side - Humor

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One-Liners

An elderly woman was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. When she put the heavy package on the counter, the postal clerk asked, “Is there anything breakable in here?” “Just the Ten Commandments,” the lady replied.

When Napoleon claimed that he would destroy the Church, Pope Pius VII is said to have responded, “Oh, you silly little man. You’re trying to do what seventeen centuries of priests and bishops have tried and failed to do!”

When a friend commented, “The Eucharist: such a nice symbol, right?” Flannery O’Connor reportedly replied, “Well, if it’s just a symbol, to hell with it!”

Pope John XXIII, when asked how many people work at the Vatican, replied, “About half of them.”

St. Teresa of Avila, upon slipping and falling into a mud puddle, reportedly stood up and cried to the heavens, “If this is how you treat your friends, then it’s no wonder you have so few of them!”

Matter of Perspective

Three priests sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.

"No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas,” he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."